Secrets of a happy family. The attitude to problems.

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With the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful!

No matter how strong is Iman and no matter how much the spouses love each other, the emergence of problems and disagreements inevitable. Many subconsciously believe that a loved one and "well-chosen spouse" - is the one with whom there will be no difficulties. This position is wrong, and if it were of all couples, happy families would be much smaller. Beloved husband or wife - it is just the kind of person with whom you're ready to overcome any difficulties and problems.

Many people ask: "We do not get along, so do not fit together?" There are differences that really claim to the cause of the coming divorce. For example, such as the degree of religiosity, values, beliefs. As Antoine de Saint-Exupery said: "To love is not to look at one another, But to look together in the same direction". If one is concerned about the mundane, and the other is experiencing more about the Day of Judgment, for such pair, it will be difficult to find an understanding, for example, in income distribution, joint rest, the upbringing of children, food (halal or "thing that is tasty"), etc.

However, problems arise even for those who are looking in the same direction. The main thing - do not take this as a crack in a relationship, an obstacle to peace in the family , or as the beginning of the end. Problem - it is not an indicator of an unhappy marriage and feelings. Problem - it is an opportunity for greater convergence.

The inevitable changes

The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and welcomed, said: "A man is considered by God to be of the religion of his intimate friend (khalil) so let each of you consider whom he has taken for an intimate friend". Immediate environment of each person - this is his family and first spouse. People make mistakes, believing that the establishment of a new family will only change the emotional state and will not have personal influence. With the establishment of the family things are changing, and one of these changes - just a person husband or wife. Change is inevitable. But!

Changes can be both positive and negative: people can become kinder, happier, softer, and vice versa - aggressive, miserable and fiercely. It depends on the personal position, and from the influence of her husband. So the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and welcomes commanded us to be reasonable and wise in choosing spouses and friends - choose those who had a favorable impact on others and he himself is a supporter of the good.

Differences - it is also not a sign of poorly chosen partner. Many "cope" with them due to suppression. But suppress - then freeze problem at a time. The right approach - it's a confrontation and discussion as long as both sides fail to reach mutually satisfactory to both decision. Of course, this approach requires more wisdom, patience, more love for your partner and yourself, but the results in this case - the more valuable. In such cases, the partners change for the better and the relationship becomes more intimate and confidential. The main thing - to have the courage to discuss the difficulties, to be honest, open, sincere. This is a difficult, but the shortest way to the resolution of family problems.

If the problem "solved" (though in reality they are not solved and only exacerbated) by shouts and scandals, pressure and sacrifice, then they become bricks used for construction of the wall between the spouses. If problems are resolved by softness, openness, desire to find a solution that satisfies both, as well as honesty with yourself and your spouse, then they become cement, mediating relations and increasing the love between husband and wife.

Asya Gagieva

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